One foot in front of the other

Of Portland’s many dearly loved snobberies, there is perhaps none more cherished than its dedication to pedestrianism. By pedestrianism, I mean transportation by means other than an engine-propelled vehicle. This basically boils down to biking, skateboarding, walking and occasionally being carried upon the back of your manservant (because the weather really is quite drizzly and you can’t very well be slogging about in your new Burberry spats).

Indeed, for people deeply dedicated to non-motorized conveyance, Portland is an ostentatiously pede-friendly place. Wouldn’t it be nice if said pede-philes returned the favor?

Before you turn the page out of affected ennui, this is absolutely not another “rude bicyclist” rant. Frequently, in fact, since the operation of a velocipede requires at least minimal awareness of one’s motor functions and intended direction, most riders are far more alert than the giggling, smoking, texting, loudly cellular-phoning scourge I intend to address: walkers. In fact, this isn’t really even a tirade against them. It’s a public service in the spirit of safety and fostering vehicle-pedestrian harmony.

First things first: The most vital piece of information you can have as someone who intends to travel the city on foot and to return home alive is this: A crosswalk is not a magical fairy-bubble in which you are rendered invulnerable to the force of 1.5 tons of Detroit steel (or 250 lbs of Korean plastic, if it’s a Kia). It is true that Oregon is a pede-friendly state and every intersection is legally considered a crosswalk. However, according to ODOT’s manual on pedestrian safety, that proliferation of crosswalks may be exactly what dulls drivers’ awareness, and 50 percent of all pedestrians struck by vehicles each year are struck in a crosswalk.

What that means is that though you may have the right of way, it is physics that will kill you and the courts have little say in it (Hawking v. Scalia; 1991). It may not be as dramatic as all that, but it won’t hurt you to open your eyes and look both ways. It will, however, hurt you not to. Citing ODOT again: “Pedestrians and motorists share the responsibility of pedestrian safety.” I know concepts like “share” and “responsibility” are foreign to the average American college student, but if you think back real hard to kindergarten, you may recall. In fact, that’s the same place they taught you to look both ways. All those same ideas still apply! Tell your sociology professor!

It seems that the obvious thing to do would be to take responsibility for your own survival as mankind has done since the first one of us slithered up out of the muck and said, “Oh shit, a hawk! I better get under something.” In all fairness, it probably took a few of them getting swooped down upon and eaten for the others to learn by example, but what our muck-dwelling predecessors did not do was go around posting signs and assuming these magic symbols would save them (that came later, around the time of the Crusades). What they did do was continue to look out for hawks and get under things when they flew by. The thing you have going for you that your ancestors didn’t is that motorists aren’t actually trying to kill you. If you follow a few simple steps, the magic of the crosswalk is greatly enhanced and you will likely survive to create even more oblivious, entitled offspring. Here are some simple rules:

First: Don’t cross against the signal. NO, DON’T CROSS AGAINST THE SIGNAL. I SEE YOU. STOP IT. From ODOT: A white, man-shaped signal means go, but check for traffic first. A flashing red hand means keep crossing if you’ve already started, but DO NOT begin to cross. When the hand is solid red, you must wait to cross. Second: The law requires you to be careful at the curb. That’s right. Oregon statutes place responsibility on pedestrians not to suddenly leave a curb or other place of safety and move into the path of a vehicle that is so close as to constitute an immediate hazard (ORS 814.040a). Third: Get off the phone and look at drivers. Whenever vehicles are present, establish eye-to-eye communication with drivers to ensure they see you and are stopping.

Remember, these problems are all compounded in a university situation like PSU, where everyone is late for class, distracted and a college student. Drivers need to do their part as well, but it’s your real life and (mostly) your real body at stake. If everyone pays attention and shows a little common courtesy then all of us, auto-philes and pede-philes alike, can coexist without the threat of death or significantly raised insurance premiums.?