Snark Attack

Microsoft Vista came out last week, and boy, does it look familiar. If you own a recent Apple computer or have used Mac OS X, otherwise known as Tiger, Vista might look like something you’ve seen before. Vista has a host of “innovative” features that have already been available on Tiger for a year.

Microsoft Vista came out last week, and boy, does it look familiar. If you own a recent Apple computer or have used Mac OS X, otherwise known as Tiger, Vista might look like something you’ve seen before. Vista has a host of “innovative” features that have already been available on Tiger for a year. Widgets, those cute one-function applications on Tiger, have been replaced by similarly cute one-function applications called Gadgets. Spotlight, the instant search function on Tiger, has been replaced by, well, Instant Search for Vista. But you don’t have to be a huge computer dork to know that Microsoft has been slowly losing relevance. Apparently, Bill Gates is so busy trying to save the world that he forgot to make a product actually worth the $250 upgrade.

Why you should care: You shouldn’t. Microsoft is evil and their products suck. But you already knew that.

Starbucks bought out 40 Coffee People stores in September. Last week, those stores, including the Coffee People in the first floor of the Broadway Building, closed their doors for the last time. As a final slap in the face, most employees decided to give up their jobs because they didn’t want to become Starbucks drones.

Why you should care: What is it about all those heartless Seattle companies? The Snark Attack recommends getting your daily caffeine fix from Food for Thought. Coffee is only a buck and it doesn’t taste like a big, hot mug of battery acid and processed sugar. At least not until the end of the day.

Portland State has already spent $225,000 on its rebranding campaign. So far PSU bought a new logo that everyone hates, a photo shoot and “identity packets.” Whoopee. What the hell is an identity packet? Now the president’s marketing team is down to $25,000 to play with and has a host of needs that still require attention.

Why you should care: Of course you should care. It’s your money and it’s being wasted on things like a new logo that looks like a friendly swastika.

As if Portland Staters don’t already suffer from inferiority complex, the basement of SMSU now resembles a junior college. Nice job with the purple-orange-lime-green paint color combo and the sweet metal paneling.

Why you should care: Maybe you shouldn’t, but if you think that the new renovations to the Smith basement are attractive, you should probably hop into your DeLorean and pray it takes you back to the ’80s.

Freak of the week:A NASA astronaut was arrested Monday for attacking a fellow astronaut over a male astronaut both women had been dating. Lisa Marie Nowak has been charged with attempted kidnapping, battery, attempted vehicle burglary with battery and destruction of evidence after following Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman to her car at Orlando International Airport and dousing her with pepper spray.