It’s hip to be clean

Somewhere between downing our second glass of Kombucha tea in the lobby of the Ace Hotel, digging through a cardboard box of giveaways, and going to see some film at the Laurelhurst, we need to take a moment to look at the silent dangers that could be slowly chipping away at our health. But as safe as we may all feel in our beautiful city, there are definitely habits we hipsters should be at least a little wary of.

The Tight Pants: Sure, your new pair of gray skinny jeans from Buffalo look awesome. So awesome that you’re surprised how well they go with both your collection of vintage tees and your ever-growing mountain of flannel. So very awesome, that you may be compelled to wear them

90 percent more than any other selection from your carefully crafted wardrobe.

But while you’re strutting your stuff down Belmont, take a moment to think about your two very important companions: your testicles. Studies have shown that constrictive clothing can, when repeatedly worn, damage the natural circulation of blood flow. Not to mention that the constant pressure on your junk could potentially raise your chances of getting a wicked bad case of ball cancer.

The Dark Roast Coffee: There may be nothing better in this world than a fine cup of well-brewed coffee. And with so many options in Portland, the opportunities to drink it are plentiful.

However, a brief survey around coffee houses led me to a concerning conclusion. Many baristas stated that the majority of young folk take their coffee black. Not cutting your coffee with half-n-half, soy or your choice of vegan milk-like liquid is your choice alone. But consider this when you sip: black coffee drinkers are far more likely to develop stomach ulcers than the average indulger.

Not to mention all the acidity will also do a number on your pearly whites. So do yourself a favor—if you don’t want to sacrifice the dark roast straight-up, at least limit yourself to five cups per day instead of eight or nine.

The Thrift Stores: God invented thrift stores so that people could be happy. There is nothing quite as satisfying as snagging a new leather jacket, a pair of plaid bellbottom pants and the perfect Pacman t-shirt for less than the price of a Starbucks latte.

What isn’t satisfying is the potential case of lice or scabies that could accompany your clothes if not properly washed. Humans slough skin and hair like it’s going out of style. With your new garb could come some unpleasant rashes, so take the cash you saved and drop it on a big box of laundry detergent. You’ll smell super neat and won’t have to claw at yourself like a leper.

The Psychosomatic Gluten Intolerance: Science has shown us that some folks just can’t handle their gluten. In a fine and conscious city like ours, many bakeries and restaurants alike take the time to create some equally tasty food that is absolutely free of gluten.

But before you go cutting out everything wheat-related from your diet, make sure that you are dealing with a true case of gluten intolerance and not just a major bout of hypochondria. Researchers have found that there has been a recent boom of people falling into the abyss of obsessing over allergies and intolerances they likely don’t have. Keep your body in check, but make sure you are not one of the high proportions of individuals changing their diets just because all the cool kids are doing it.

A healthy hipster is a happy hipster. With obvious threats like smoking and VD clearly on our radar, it is important that we take a moment to review the dangers that may not appear as prominent.

Wear the pants, drink the coffee, thrift it up, and even munch down on that fantastic gluten-free carrot muffin from Food for Thought, but do so with all the healthy know-how under your belt. ?