23 Things You Probably Won’t Go To

Thursday, February 12

A Static Lullaby, Beloved, Christiansen, Anatomy of a Ghost


7 p.m.

$8, all ages

Hardcore, post-hardcore, screamo, whatever it’s called, these bands have SG-wielding, shaggy-haired members rollicking in front of their Marshall stacks, which means one of two things: rock or losers who think playing an SG and having shaggy hair makes their bad music palatable. Go find out what these guys are all about.

Roulettes, Born Losers

Twilight Caf퀌�


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Some rockin’ locals light up the Twilight Caf퀌�, where there’s ne’er a cover in sight.

Maple Lane, Frisk, Shift, Easterly, Faded

Meow Meow

6:30 pm


Comb your hair to one side, put on your too-small black t-shirt and gather your laundry change for this emo-core fest at the Meow Meow.

‘Doom Town’ Rock’n’Roll Fashion show with Glass Candy, Note Notas, Swords Project, The Punk Group

Crystal Ballroom

7 p.m.

$6 advance, $8 door

How awesome is this? A rock and roll fashion show inspired by the greatest Portland band of all time, The Wipers! Plus, it’s another chance to see Note Notas, who have a Greg Sage-worthy piece of PDX music history bending strings and stretching vocal cords. You may remember him from Jr. High. Not school, of course, but the band that also featured the greatest drummer ever to hit a kit, Janet Weiss. But don’t go just for Sean Croghan, since all the bands are killer-good. And even if you have to pay door prices, it’s still a bargain.

Friday, February 13

Somehow Hollow

Solid State

Somehow Hollow, while they are a pop-punk band, preach a message of friendship and togetherness, which is cool. It figures that they’re Canadian.

Liquor Union, Ms. 45, Morgan Grace

Twilight Caf퀌�


Morgan Grace delivers “Dirty Chick Rock,” or so says her website. Chick rock and dirty rock are both good, so maybe dirty chick rock is even better.


Red And Black Caf퀌�

8 p.m.

Relax on Friday the 13th with the pop of Reclinerland, which blends soaring instrumentation with fingerpicking, The Zombies, and some other stuff as well. They’re an outlet for songwriter/composer Michael Johnson, so the lineup varies sometimes depending on the songs, which is a cool way for a songwriter to create without having to tie down to a full-time band.

Senses Fail, Moneen, A Beautiful Mistake, Boy’s Night Out


7 p.m.

$10, all ages

I don’t know a lot about their music, but I really like A Beautiful Mistake’s album title Light a Match, For I Deserve to Burn. This show promises to be emo-riffic, as two of the three bands feature a heart prominently in their website design, and the third has a picture of a girl, even though there’s no girl in the band.

Marriage Records Revue with Thanksgiving, A John Henry Memorial, Teether, Mise En Abyme, Rob Walmart, The Watery Graves

Meow Meow


Right on! This show is super cheap and packed with gear music like Thanksgiving’s folky acoustic impressionism and the dreamlike drums and piano of The Watery Graves.

The Walkmen, Weird War, alaska!


9:30 p.m.

The Walkmen love Syd Barrett, and that means they must be cool. Their ambling, pop-tinged, piano-infested garage-y rock rises from the remains of Jonathan Fire*Eater and has even seen them compared to the Strokes. Also on the roster is Weird War, formerly the Scene Creamers, featuring former members of the Make-Up. If you’re willing to put up with the crowd at Berbati’s, this is a show not to miss.

Valentine’s Day Couples Massage Class

McMenamin’s Edgefield

Through Feb. 15


Yeahhhh … $80. I can give good massages and I never had to pay $80. That just seems like a lot of money to me. I’m not really an expert on the value of massage instruction, though, so it could be a bargain.

Vagina Monologues

PSU, SMSU Ballroom

Through Feb. 15, 8 p.m.-10 p.m.

$15/$12 student

PSU students present the now famous play, with all proceeds going to the Women’s Crisis Hotline. Too bad you already spent all your money on that dumb massage class. Maybe you can contribute your new massage skills to the hotline.

The Wild Bunch

Cinema 21

Through Feb. 19

An awesome ’60s western which, as everyone knows, was their golden age. Forget “Dances With Wolves” and crap like that. These westerns really captured a grittiness and leanness that very few today are able to replicate. This is art, man. Gunslinging, twisted art to the extreme.

Saturday, February 14


Meow Meow

Portland legends Hazel celebrate their 12th birthday, and you can celebrate it with them as you take in the multi-dimensional rock and roll that they are so adept at creating.

Pink Martini

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

7:30 p.m.

Pink Martini fuses pop, orchestra and all kinds of wild stuff together to create their own brand of music that pops up all over the place.

All Girl Summer Fun Band, Bishop Allen, The Badger King



$6, $10/couple all ages

Nocturnal always has something interesting going on, and tonight is no exception, with the good-times rock of AGSFB kicking open the doors to fun, as their name would suggest.

Fetish Masquerade Ball #6

Roseland Theater

9 p.m.


Contortionists! Trapeze artists! Burlesque! Sounds like a recipe for entertainment and craziness.

Bad Juju, Jet City Fix, Zeke

Twilight Caf퀌�


Hard and heavy is the trademark of Seattle’s Zeke, who have been tearing it since 1993. They’re good enough to inspire the Twilight to charge a cover, so they should be good enough for you.

Reason To Live

Paris Theater

7:30 p.m.


I don’t know anything about this band. I’ve never read press, they don’t have a website, and as such, I cannot recommend them. Go if you know them, but other than that, it’s at your own risk.

Valentine’s Masquerade w/ DJ Naha, DJ Venus, Flave, Little MZ Booty

Paris Theater

10 p.m.


The Paris celebrates Valentine’s Day with this blowout, featuring Denmark’s DJ Naha. She traveled a very long way to be here, so if you came to see Reason To Live you should stay.

Monday, February 16

Ghost To Falco, Sex With Girls Is Rad, Tunnels, Assasins

Meow Meow

8 p.m., $5

Sex With Girls Is Rad is a rad band. If they weren’t, they would deserve to have horrible fun made of them for their name, and their Web site, which has pictures drawn by the bandmembers of the girls they have crushes on. Luckily for them, they are indeed rad, so they should be checked out by you.

Tuesday, February 17


Roseland Theater

9 p.m.

$13, 21+

A ’90s alternative rock band. One of their members went on to become an A&R rep for MCA Records. They have connections with the Blue Man Group, who are the lamest band ever to put pick to string, or whatever dumb instruments they play. I think it’s like PVC pipe instruments or something.

Camper Van Beethoven, Cracker

Crystal Ballroom

7 p.m.

$20 advance, $22 doors

CVB have been around the block a few times, and the fi just keeps getting lower. They’re releasing a box set of 4 out-of-print CDs, so it’s the perfect time to check them out and get your Camper Van fix taken care of.

– The Calendar Boy